Content guidelines & advice.
Suggestions to help you safely manage some of the potentially "triggering" content you may find on the site.
Please look for the following simple codes, which appear on title of the content you are about to read, if you prefer to avoid subjects like: PV - Physical violence, SV - Sexual violence, AB - Abuse (including emotional abuse), RC - Racism, DA - Drug or alcohol abuse, ED - Eating disorders, SS - Suicide & self-harm
My Poems
Poetry is many things to different people,
and absolutely nothing to even more.
With it, you can tell a joke or say "I love you", change political thinking, quietly scream out your pain,
or you can simply just enjoy it.
The poem titles in red, which have been underlined, will take you to a video performance of the piece via YouTube if you click them.
For National Poetry Day 2024
This years theme is "Counting".
Counting starts, like one, two, three.
And you knew you, could count on me.
But I thought, I could count on you.
Turns out, that simply wasn't true.
A till is used, to count up money.
But until you left, it seemed so funny.
That you counted, what you liked to take.
Leaving me to “tot up”, what was fake?
An abacus is used, to count in schools.
Teaching us early, to avoid the fools.
But when added up, it still doesn't fit.
You took without giving, left a love deficit.
Calculated moves, from a couple, now count back.
From my life, I choose you to subtract.
One plus one, should make two.
But you left me alone, in a life minus you.
So I’m counting my blessings, that I am just one.
I’m weighting up options, having some fun.
Stacking up coins, becoming my own hero.
Cos a life without me, for you, must be zero.
Chardonnay for beginners
Or, if wine had instructions
Imagine if wine had a realistic label describing how it should be used.
We recommend beginners start at dinner. One glass, then two, before moving on to ‘I may as well finish the bottle because it will only get wasted’.
Get wasted.
When you feel ready, expand your evening routine by moving on to hidden glasses, and sips straight from the bottle as a way to take the edge off things.
Need something more? It works just as well sprinkled throughout your entire day. Treat yourself with it from as early as 7am. There is never a bad time for a glass of Chardonnay. It’s just grape juice really.
Want to experiment? Why not try soaking in the crisp, cool fragrance of several bottles of it daily? Lunchtime drinking and of course evenings are great times to abuse, sorry, USE our product. It’s perfect after a long, hard, day at work.
Advanced users often now move on to swim in the wine, until they become cloudy for long periods of time. Try this step when you want to loose clarity on a more permanent basis.
Finally, we recommend that you drown in it. That way, it can make you numb forevermore.
*The above is advice only and we recommend you seek the approval of family members before trying any suggestions. All responsibility is on you and results may vary.
Dimmer Switch
Having your light taken away slowly
Fading slowly in the background, so no one noticed you.
Changing the brightest of lights, to the dimmest of gloom.
Only you had control of me, the option to extinguish my flame.
My dimmer switch, extinguishing my light from the room.
You did it so softly, no one was aware of your plan.
But at some point, they all noticed I was a lightless place.
By then, it was too late for me, my shine had gone.
At the last minute, I woke up, alone in a pitch-black space.
You were my dimmer switch, stealing light like you did my love.
Afraid of not being in the spotlight, under the light.
Instead of earning it, you took mine and pointed it at yourself.
What I am shamed of most, is that I put up no fight.
I crawled out in the dark, barely able to see my way.
I left my light behind me, and I dragged myself above.
And happily I stand, basked in another’s shine.
Even though you put me out, he still ignited me in love.
I Have Questions
Explain the point of it all?
Why fall in love, if they might fool around?
Why get high, if eventually you come down?
Why play the game, if the game ain't fair?
Why talk to God, if I ain't got any proof he’s even there?
Why paint my nails, if they're gonna chip off?
Why try to find myself, if I know I'll end up getting lost?
Why say hi, if I’ve got to say bye someday?
And why get close, if I know my heart could just break away?
Why see the good, in amongst all the bad?
Why try to be happy, when I all I feel is sad?
Why see the silver in the lines and why make the best of the lack of joy?
When everything changed, now I’m a glass-half-empty kinda boy.
One Poisoned Kiss
How a moment costs a lifetime
I am trying to fight it, but it’s just not that easy.
I am not letting it win, theres such a thing as defeated.
If only it was as simple, as ‘cheer up’ and ‘forget it’.
If only I’d said ‘no’, but now I live to regret it.
Telling me you’re suffering, from empathy fatigue.
Telling me my alcoholism, is just a disease.
Yelling at me, for spending my cash on some drugs.
Yelling at me, for running away from your hugs.
I can’t understand, how to find my way out.
I can’t understand, why I still scream and I shout.
I don’t need to see, what tomorrow might bring.
I don’t need to know, where you threw the wedding ring.
You wish I was better, and that I wouldn’t cry.
You wish you could wipe away, the tears in my eye.
Not able to feel, the way I used to be.
Not able to return, to the person that was me.
Always guessing not knowing, if my reality is real.
Always guessing that this, is the correct way to feel.
I am not who I was, and I cannot go back.
I am not moving forward, it is purpose I lack.
Now I bounce and I ricochet, from side to side.
Now behind duvets and curtains, I find places to hide.
Can I quit now? cos I don’t care if I die.
Can I quit now? it’s so hard to just ‘try’.
So I go on treading water, so cold and so deep.
So I go on night after night, with no food n’ no sleep.
Knowing all along, that it would end up like this.
Knowing your life can just wither, from one poisoned kiss.
Stolen
A crime of passion
I was stolen, and not returned, and now I cannot find myself.
I’ve looked in cupboards, and under chairs.
But all I find is dust, and dog hairs.
My thief disguised as love, they took, and little did I realise.
That all he robbed could not be replaced.
My loving heart, my happy face.
Gone for good, I ordered new ones from Amazon.
They arrived and didn’t fit.
The new reality I ordered, was pretty shit.
I’ve searched the garden, tipped out the drawers.
But everything inside me, he now has.
And the person I am, is not what I was.
Time said she’d help me, Doctors and nurses too.
I now realise thats a hurtful, fat lie.
My soul was stolen, until I die.
If I knew where to look, knew where I’d been discarded.
I’d spend hours, looking to see.
Pick up all those pieces of me.
But I have no clue where to start, and no guide to show me.
Theres no map of the area,
And no way I can get there.
It doesn't seem fair, looking for myself again when I was not lost.
The worst parts, I still have a hold on.
But the best of me, still remains stolen.
Scorched by love
That first blush of heat
He came to me, like rain on a summers day.
Soothing my wounds with tiny droplets of his care.
The heat of my previous existence, now tempered by his touch.
His lips whispered safety,
Just as a summers breeze brings the promise of evening shade.
My thirst, now quenched by the water of his trust.
He need do no more than release a breath of empathy,
For I knew none of this, before he came.
His presence is like the simple joy of wildflowers, blossoming in desire of the sun.
He is the summer sunshine, the cooling breeze, the evening shade and the blooming of a flower.
He is the joy of spring, and the heat of summer.
He is love.
Anxious
Don't listen to the world
The mirror says I’m ugly and my jeans tell me I’m fat.
My phone whispers my friends don’t like me.
I have bad hair, informs my hat.
My skin tells tales that I’m now older, wrinkled, saggy & pale.
The harsh lights in my bedroom say,
My libidos about to fail.
The shaking of my fingertips, tell me I am too scared.
My socks shout out my feet smell bad,
And that my eyesight is impaired.
My brain tells me I’ve lost the plot and it's useless to resist.
My bra makes out my boobs are gone,
And implies they didn't exist.
The mirror says I’m ugly, and my jeans tell me I’m fat.
But fuck them both say with pride.
I’m me, and thats just that!
The regret of allowance
I’ve been drinking bout regret.
Hope my mind, it will forget.
How I was stupid, when I let,
You change me.
When you forced yourself on me.
Stoped my mind from being free.
I was so blind I did not see,
You change me.
Told myself you never lied.
So many nights alone, I cried.
Now think my heart and soul had died.
You changed me.
There’s no way that I can live.
No love left I have to give.
All that’s left is to relive,
When you changed me.
Anger is my only path.
The road alone I take so fast.
Running wildly from the past,
When you changed me.
Are you laughing at me now?
Your task accomplished, take a bow.
Was my fault, I did allow,
You to change me.
There is no path that I can find.
No chance the past is left behind.
A weight so heavy on my mind.
He changed me.
Burn me to nothing
A spark becomes a flame
There is a fire in my soul,
Is there gasoline in yours?
You make me burn out of control.
There’s a fire in my mouth,
Only you can put it out.
Come on over, put it out.
Do you ever wonder,
How good life could be?
You don’t have to wonder, just be here with me.
Something here is now alight,
There’s no fire we should fight.
A future full and burning bright.
Leftovers
An ode to Facebook market place.
I don't want your half used nipple cream.
You can't be that cash low.
To sell something so private,
put something so intimate on show.
Don't sell your half-open packets,
of sanitary towels and stuff.
I don't want to buy your used underwear,
and pick off all the fluff.
Some things still need to be respected,
I know you're really skint.
But it's got to the point, I fear you'll sell,
the tumble dryer flint!
The Journey To UnhappyUS
Why I walked the way I did
The path that you’ve walked,
Has led you here.
But its well past the time,
For you to face your fear.
Trauma and heartache,
Can never be right.
Stop you loving and caring.
Awake through the night.
Triggered and anxious,
Scared and in pain.
You want to control it,
But your going insane.
Your heart’s at a gallop,
Your hands are still shaking.
Your covered in sweat.
Facing this undertaking.
You’ve promised yourself,
Just one more day.
But you cannot wish,
All your problems away.
The past experiences,
Are colouring your view.
It’s difficult for me,
To see a perspective that’s new.
So take a deep breath,
And walk through that door.
Knowing no-matter what happens,
Things will be different than before.
You can let go,
Start facing your fear,
Begin moving forward to me,
As your path led you here.
Step by step you take,
Breath by breath.
You can transform yourself,
To your highest self.
All I wanted to see,
Is you on the other side, my dear.
Moment by moment,
If you just persevere.
We could have had everything,
Blissfully at peace.
For us to be happy,
You’d first need to release.
Wandering alone you think,
For the last few years.
But you didn’t see me with you,
Supporting you fighting your fears.
The journey was never just you,
Try looking down from above.
You’d have seen me, with you,
Holding on to our love.
Never once did I stop,
Had your back the whole time.
Held a mirror to help you see,
Why I wanted you to be mine.
So if you now feel alone,
And cant find love anywhere,
Remember how you let me go,
And remember why Im not there.
Put one foot in front of other,
And your love, before yourself.
Close your mouth, open up your ears,
And journey to a better self.
You will make it, and i’ll be glad,
As to you I was devoted.
But left alone and heartbroken,
Because my pain was never noted.
There's no light left in the corner
CW: AB
A poem about a break up.
It’s dark, and all I can see are cobwebs.
The haunted corner where the ghost of us lives, in shadow.
I was unsupported, unstable and lost in this twilight.
My scared hands held out for something to hold me in place.
When I asked you to stay, you did.
When you said you would be there, you were,
But so was the lamp.
"I need you to be there for me", catch me when I fail.
But I smashed upon the floor too many times to remember.
"I was there for you" you said, "I never left, did I?"
Neither did the lamp, it was constant, it was silent and unhelpful.
But its light stayed on, relentless.
I didn’t need to encourage the bulb, or flick a switch to see.
The lamp gave me more in the dark than you ever did.
Not once did it need a single thing from me.
When you asked for everything, and I gave you more.
You were less supportive than the lamp.
You burned my fingers more than its bulb would ever have.
Now, you and the lamp have gone.
So why do I miss it more than you?
Cloudy air
CW: AB
When you only asked for one thing from them, and they wouldn't do that.
You said "I tried to change you",
but you changed the foundations of me.
You act like you have no influence,
and changes you don’t see.
You forget your requests,
and you forget all that stress,
and you don’t see what I do, is for the best.
All you see is one issue.
A smokers cough, and bill unpaid.
A lonely person who wants to get laid.
And you forget, how much you told me "NO!"
And not to let emotions show.
Cos you know.
You tied my hands from speaking,
and you stopped my heart from reaching,
out to friends and letting me spend,
time away from all that preaching,
and telling me, that I was wrong,
to speak out loud, and bang my gong,
and let my feelings air into the void.
You got annoyed!
So I stopped my download.
Closed off the cyber-world.
Shut my laptop, bit my emotional lip,
and stopped typing. You changed me instead.
You act like you have no influence,
and you’ve forgotten all that stress,
and why the one request,
I had was so important.
It was a sign, a pact, your gift to me.
That as I waited, for you to be free.
You could show me, you’d given up as such.
The things you now protest so much.
The American nightmare
When prayers and thoughts, are not enough.
The gun is loaded, and shots are fired,
but no one gives a damn.
Thoughts and prayers, are all that’s offered.
The whole things just a sham.
Politics 'n dollars, go hand in "back-hand".
The death counts reached a billion.
Nothing can stop, this spray of hate,
Not even the blood of children.
They deny the truth, they can’t accept.
It’s as simple as legislation.
Restriction has helped the rest of us,
and could save the ammo-nation.
Burglar off!
You broke into my life.
In the kitchen, we left a cake.
It wasn’t there for you to take.
It took us ages just to bake.
It wasn’t yours, for heavens sake.
In the day, we put out the cat,
and buggar me you’ve taken that!
We left her sitting on the mat.
You’ve left her bowl, it’s in the flat.
I left my pants, upon the floor.
You grabbed them and then closed the door.
You even went through my bedside draw.
That really was the last straw!
I counted the spoons, and one is lost!
To take cutlery has made me cross.
The handles were beautifully embossed!
But insurance offers replacement cost.
You took my privacy, and that’s not fair.
It’s really not right, to just not care.
So to my thief, whomever you were.
I have these final words to share.
What goes around, comes back to you.
We are not what we say, but what we do.
Your life is a mess, now I am too...
But I’ll get better, what about you?
The war for sanity
One must fight, to remain true.
If you push me, I shall not bend for your desires, nor shall I break, to cushion your fall.
What I am depends on you and yours. What was ours, is now yours or mine.
I cannot respect you if you show me disrespect.
Won’t lie to you, when you are telling truths.
A kind hearted man need never explain his choices,
his reasons are visible, when seen through strangers eyes.
Hurting hands grow from hurting souls,
whilst vicious words, sprout from bitter mouths and feelings.
So think of me what you will, and share your thoughts.
They do not represent me, they are masks.
When all is done and our time does end, your story will remain unwritten,
Yet you'll cast me as the protagonist, in your tragedy.
But in light & honour I’ll prevail, killing beast n’ monster alike, I will flight,
bleeding goodness, but I'll fail to save you, from your darkest self.
The daily mirror
CW: SS
A reflection on self worth.
When I look in the mirror,
I don’t know who I see.
No familiarity stares back.
That face it isn’t me.
This person is so weak.
He doesn’t seem to care.
He’s lost his way it seems.
All I can do is stare.
He makes me feel uneasy.
He’s given up his crown.
Feeling like a failure.
He knows he’s let me down.
I look for signs of life.
There is no bark or bite.
No flicker of adventure.
Nor bright spark of fight.
He’s giving up this man,
who once would sparkle bright.
He’s been swallowed by the dark,
and let go of the light.
I’m angry at his ease,
at letting go of hope.
He makes me want to shake him,
this lost and lonely bloke.
I don’t know how to do it.
I have an anxious shiver.
I reach out for my hammer,
and try and smash the mirror.
But as it cracks it shatters,
sharp as, sharp can be.
Instead of freeing him,
I’ve only hurt me.
As I feel the cuts on skin,
and blood begins to flow.
At least I feel something.
A sense of letting go.
The person in the mirror runs,
and gets away from me.
And now we are all broken,
The man, the mirror and me.
For Alfie Edwards
If angry words became kind actions.
I am not the judge of you,
nor you the judge of me.
Difficult things, decided by law,
not mob mentality.
By threatening doctors and nurses,
and waving an abusive placard,
you make this a no win situation,
that’s already way to hard.
Parents love their children,
but own them, they don't!
It’s the job of impartiality,
to protect them, when you can’t.
Do positives, respect and love.
Don’t scream, shout and swear.
If you all went out and did some good,
that’s what would fill the air.
Cos I believe in positives.
That energy does bind us.
That all of us can change the world,
and put these things behind us.
But it’s going to be about the light,
not anger, darkness and fear.
Nor thoughts or prayers, or big balloons,
and it has to start right here.
So if you feel affected,
about some news you’ve heard this week.
And you want to make a difference.
You feel the need to speak.
Go volunteer, go donate.
Campaign with words, be confident.
Cos this is what will change the world,
and thats what Alfie would want.
Go to settings...
CW: AB - PV - SV - DA - SS
People, change people.
Scroll down, that’s it. Now choose "Settings".
Choose "Edit", then choose "Update".
Click "Erase all content and settings".
Press "Enter", sit back, and wait.
It should all now go back, to the start-up.
The options we know make it work.
But someone crept in and changed "Settings".
Someone, allowed in the hurt.
"Frape" his Facebook, change language to "Chinese".
Mess his life up, with unknown new codes.
Ones that create brand new patterns, behaviours.
And some, that do worse, I suppose.
Type in the ways to feel anxious & lonely.
Add lines of text, meant to cause harm.
See the other lines, that he’s added, on his forearms?
Settings made to protect, now only harm.
Change it, from trusting, to trust-less.
Re-route, loving, to numb.
Connect thinker to paranoid, and backwards.
Swap out loyal, for how fast can he run?
Delete "Normal" and type, "Fucked up junkie".
Play games, and take all his power.
Swap batteries, for ones that don’t charge.
Let’s make sure, he can’t last out the hour.
Kill his motherboard, wrap tightly in shame.
And hide all the alterations we’ve made here.
Make jokes, about how stupid he is.
Watch him run around, scared, and in fear.
Scorn at the fact, he’s still following,
as the circuits and programs run through.
Hush him silent, when he protests at our ignorance,
and reminds us, that we were there too.
We watched, as they changed all his settings.
Leaving him unable, to find a version he can like.
Lost, lonely, frighten and friendless.
With a future, thats lost all its light.
It’s our duty, to help fix the damage.
Our society, let it take place.
So stand by, to erase all the settings,
and fix back the smile, you loved on his face.
It's not me, it's you.
Who is saving the world?
I want to recycle, but I don’t give a shit.
I’ll sort it all out, but I just wont clean it.
I watch the "Blue Planet", I hate all the plastic.
I cry at the news, and sometimes I’m sick.
I still need my carrier, and takeaway cup.
I say that I care, but I don’t give a fuck.
I worry what we’re leaving, for all of our kids,
but twice this year, I’ve bought a new fridge.
I once picked up litter, then told everyone.
I was so smug, cos they loved what I’d done.
I drive everywhere, and moan at pollution.
I like to complain, I feel that’s the solution.
It makes me feel good, it’s just like a game,
when I sit here and say, it’s the others to blame.
Hard reboot
Phones have an off switch.
Turn off your mobile phone,
It’s not smart, and nor are you.
You really aren’t important.
No one needs to get through.
Pay attention down in front.
Don’t be so distracted.
Your instagrams had no new likes.
Your facebook's so inactive.
No need to Snap, or Chat or app.
No hashtag needs to appear.
Put down your phone, look around,
and come and have a beer.
Don’t tweet your twit, It’s all bullshit.
There’s people here right now.
Who’ll happily chat and exchange pics.
It’s really not highbrow.
So cut the cord, and free your mind,
and listen to what we all say.
The human race, is right here now.
So close your phone for a day!
Potus
Toxic-political-masculinity.
I don’t know how to rhyme, misogyny or sexist.
Suppose I could just try and use a word like "BREXIT".
Corruption doesn’t stick, nor does liar or cheat.
(I just wish the majority had got up off their seat).
Putin I can’t include, it dosn't really fit here.
But its easy to encompass words, for racist, mindless, fear.
Immigration's too big a word, it comes before a fall.
But I can add a touch of Hitler, and build a bloody wall!
Childish, selfish, greedy, now let’s add homophobic.
Thats the fear of one man, sucking another mans dick.
Grab her by the pussy, now that’s really got you pumped.
My poem is about Donald, the man, the "ex-president", Trump.
The symphony of slamming doors
A life in fear.
It’s music I don’t want to hear.
A concerto of angry shouting.
You banged your fists against the tiles,
and loosened all the grouting.
A festival of violent bursts.
So loud they could break glass.
You knocked the wind, right out my sails.
I landed on my ass.
The volumes getting louder now.
You’ll tone it down I hope.
Cos if this song goes on repeat,
I know I cannot cope.
The symphony of slamming doors.
It plays from all the speakers.
And when I try to turn it off,
It seems it’s here for keepers.
So slide the graphic equalise.
Press pause and then eject.
So I can hear, the new track from,
peace, calm and respect.
CW: AB - PV - SV - SS
The anxiety of performance.
My nerves are showing, my body trembles,
and as I speak I start to mumble.
I stop myself and clear my throat,
and continue to read, what I wrote.
The first verse was patchy, my delivery poor.
Could it be they want some more?
I carry on, clearly nervous.
It’s all about the perseverance.
But when I hear him, I freeze in fear.
“We can’t hear you over here!”
I speak back at him with poetry.
He replies “Rubbish, awful, it's not for me!”
I try to continue, to pretend he’s not there.
Breathing heavily, I choke on air.
“NEXT!”, he shouts, laughing loudly.
But I carry on, somewhat proudly.
Reading my heart out, I simply ignore him.
It isn’t me, he’s the problem.
Shouting out, and butting in.
My heckler is belittling.
“You should give up, you make no sense!”
“I also bet you’ve got no friends!”
“You think you’re clever, and you’re not!”
But I have, what - he - has - not - got.
The balls to stand up, to perform in honesty.
To disrupt that, is such a travesty.
So shut your mouth, get off your phone,
and leave us poets to perform alone.
We are all nervous, sharing our work.
It’s not a laugh, not a joke.
If you think it is, and have no fear.
Then why don’t you come stand up here?
I choose me
A post-it note to my ex.
Asked myself out, and I said "Yes!"
'Cos I look so nice, when I get dressed.
Took myself for dinner, I had a three-course meal.
I ate it all myself, and I paid the bill.
Haven't got a person, couldn't care less.
'Cos I've only got to clean up, my own mess.
Like, why deal with rejection, when I'm literally perfection?
I'm way more satisfied, just lookin' at my reflection.
Get presents every day, don't need to ask.
I’ll have a bottle of champagne, just in the bath.
And, yes, I am single, but I only drink doubles.
'Cos I got so much personality, I make up for a couple.
Don’t be stupid, I’m not looking for love.
'Cos what you gonna give me, that I don’t already got?
Until your actions out do me, I’ll always just choose me.
So raise your game, sit down, or simply fuck off!